Hello, Are you familiar with the term “divorce rate”? It’s a rate that estimates the number of divorces in relation to the number of marriages. In France, I was surprised to see that this rate is 45%. This means that 45% of marriages end in divorce in France. You might think it’s better elsewhere, but unfortunately that’s not the case. I’m not here to judge; I know first-hand the consequences of divorce. However, God is always there to lead us and teach us the foundations of solid couples, and I’d like to spare you these consequences. The Bible tells us that a three-strand rope doesn’t break easily, so no matter what stage your relationship is at today, you can boost your intimacy and take it to the next level! Here are a few keys to living a healthy married life: Key 1, Communicate: communication is an essential element in maintaining your relationship. In fact, without communication there can be no relationship. Silence is communicative. To be a healthy couple, you’ll need to work on your communication skills and learn to understand the other person. Everyone has a different interpretation of words, and even with the simplest words, misunderstanding can quickly become a major issue. So get to know your partner without ever taking this for granted, and develop an effective communication system together. Love loves the way the other feels loved, so start talking to your spouse the way he or she understands. Key 2, Managing conflict: in a relationship, as in any relationship, conflict is inevitable. You therefore have the choice between seeing conflict as an opportunity to destroy the other and proclaim a whole host of equally horrible things, or seizing the opportunity to experience unparalleled complementarity. It’s possible to make conflict your greatest strength, but the key is to manage it constructively. To do this, talk things over, express your feelings and explain to the other person what you’re experiencing rather than what they’re doing. In conflict management, “you” usually kills. Pay attention to this and learn from each other. An exceptional book exists in this field: “The Good Fight: How Conflict Can Bring You Closer” by Les Parrott Key 3, Discussing education: you can’t imagine the number of arguments and tensions linked to education. Let’s understand that when we enter a first relationship, we’re about to set off on a journey with 1 piece of checked luggage allowed. However, we arrive at the departure point with baggage full of rules, concepts and principles that have been handed down to us since childhood. Everyone has their own baggage, and when you open your bag to place your belongings in the shared suitcase, you discover that there’s not enough room. Yes, two pieces of luggage but only one suitcase! So it’s time to talk things over so that everyone can get on with their lives.
Rules are necessary for everyone to be fixed, but also for everyone to grow and experience real freedom. Key 4, Managing priorities: again a subject of enormous tension, many people reverse priorities and have a different conception of priorities. Often for the right reasons. For good understanding and peace in the couple, it’s important that both can agree on priorities and manage them with the same line of conduct. I urge you to follow them: God
The couple
The children
The church Key 5, Overcoming transitions and difficulties: in difficult situations, there are several possible attitudes: withdraw and stop talking, continue to talk excessively, panic, give up or look for urgent solutions… everyone has their own personality type and reaction to stress. However, you need to communicate with each other to anticipate these difficult times. Set up common agreements to tackle things in difficult seasons and resolve them as best you can. If, for example, one person needs silence and the other needs communication, think about setting aside a period of time in the most difficult times when each of you will be able to step back, and also a period of time quickly enough for the other to express him/herself. In all cases, prayer and communication are both essential in managing storms and change. They must adapt and respect each other, but never be broken. Set your rules by answering this question: how are we going to proceed in the event of major change? Key 6, Love languages: do you know that there are different love languages? A love language is the way in which we feel loved. There are 5 of them: words of praise, quality time, physical touch, services rendered and gifts. Knowing your love language and communicating it to your partner and vice versa is a force that will enable you to constantly fill yourself with love. This will prevent you from exhausting yourself loving by giving a lot for very little reception. To go further, I recommend Gary Chapman’s book “The 5 Love Languages”. Key 7, Forgive and carry on: forgiveness, forgiveness, yes forgiveness is an indispensable key. A person who hasn’t forgiven himself is a person who is treading water and bringing people with him to exhaustion and death. Forgiveness frees you, forgiveness enables you to go on, forgiveness enables you to show your love, forgiveness enables you to transform any suffering into a source of divine inspiration to change the world around you. Forgiving and moving on will enable your couple to move forward and flourish as never before.
<< First name test >>These 7 keys may seem like mountains to you, but a mountain is nothing more than an opportunity to put your faith into action, and as the Bible tells us, “If anyone says to this mountain, ‘Get up and throw yourself into the sea’, and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will happen, he will see it fulfilled”. (Mark 11.23). It’s possible to live a fulfilling married life. Give yourself the means today, invest in your relationship and you’ll soon see the fruits. Here are a few things you can do to boost intimacy in your relationship: Make a weekly date to get together, it’s a chance to surprise each other and keep the flame alive
Talk to each other with gentleness, love and admiration
Take the time to listen to each other
Take the initiative to make yourself available to take care of something important to the other
Give each other hugs and gestures of affection without moderation
Above all, PRAY for your relationship Investing in your relationship is a big part of the success of your family and everything else you do. The best gift you can give your children, if you have any, is to love your spouse and treat her like the apple of your eye. In our next Newsletter, we’ll look together at some keys to understanding your children better and guiding them towards the best! To make sure you don’t miss out, make sure you subscribe by clicking on “I subscribe!” at the end of this article. You can also follow us and share our page on social networks: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn and thus benefit from our news by sharing it with others.
See you soon,
You are wonderful!
Joachim Fontaine
Coach | Consultant | Formateur
