Hello, Have you ever felt like you were going completely mad after a discussion? Wow! I can’t count the number of times that’s happened to me. You’re having a conversation with someone. This person is absolutely trying to convince you that you’ve said something you haven’t, always remaining very calm and in an attitude of compassion. Her attitude tries to convince you that you’re wrong when you’re not. She’s so comfortable with lying that it ends up pissing you off even more. She makes you feel like you’re being taken for a fool… Grrrrr! It annoys me to even talk about it! This process is not exclusive to manipulation, but is very often found in what is known as emotional manipulation. Emotions are an ideal breeding ground for manipulation because of the instability they can cause. In this area, there is a great deal of confusion. So today we’re going to take a look at what manipulation is and how it manifests itself in the field of emotions. I’ll then give you a few pointers to help you develop your emotional stability and free yourself from this type of manipulation. Manipulation consists in constructing an image of reality that appears to be the real thing. It induces a relationship of power that leads to the psychic control of a person. The image projected is always very close to reality, leading to confusion and questioning, and then trapping you in a situation that quickly escalates. Applied to emotions, this consists in making you believe that you feel something, that you’ve said something or that you’re thinking something that provokes emotions in you, leading you into a more fragile state. Clearly, for emotional manipulators, emotions are a veritable playground; they play on emotions! What’s the point, you ask? A manipulator always consciously seeks to obtain something, and will give his all until he gets it. He’ll be very perceptive about it. However, certain things will often stand out in their behavior: – They don’t keep their word: they often make promises to get what they want, but are not prepared to actually do it. Manipulators seek to obtain without giving. – Lying is a way of life for them: lying encourages confusion, and manipulators often develop the habit of lying, even on unimportant subjects. – Victimization: a victim always attracts the attention and compassion of others. They will then victimize themselves to soften their prey and get them to lay down their arms. – They always suffer more than others: no matter how much suffering is reported to them, emotional manipulators have always experienced worse, more, and more atrocious things. – They are professional guilt-trippers. Manipulators are generally unwilling to accept and assume responsibility, and will always manage to shift the blame for their transgressions onto you. It’s never their fault, and they’ll always try to get you to apologize for something you didn’t do.
– They dump everything on a scapegoat: these people are often sick themselves and can’t accept taking on anything, as if it were too heavy or too shameful for them. So they’ll dump it all on their victim (scapegoat). In this way, responsibility for their actions is shifted from themselves to someone else. Emotional manipulation is extremely dangerous, and has major consequences for the lives of its victims. But there’s no need to turn it into a psychosis! There are simple ways of dealing with it and avoiding it! Even if these behaviors are hard to spot, always remember this striking illustration of finance department agents fighting counterfeiters. They’re concentrating on the real thing! Why do they do this? Counterfeiters are constantly using new methods, new elements to get closer to the real thing and fool the agents and the control technology. By concentrating on the real banknote and knowing it inside out, they are able to spot counterfeit elements very quickly. To avoid emotional manipulation, here are a few keys: 1. Identity: your value and identity depend on who you are, not what you do. Being and doing are two different things. By knowing who you are, you’ll know what your value is, and no one will be able to make you believe otherwise. They may try, but they won’t succeed.
2. Intention: your motivation will always help to reinforce your emotional stability. Willpower and intention are the two most important levers in achieving a goal and keeping us moving. Making sure we make decisions and act on the right motivations and for the good of others helps us deal with this kind of behavior. No one knows better than you the reasons why you act, so fix your gaze on them and express them. People may not believe your motivations, but they can’t change them. You can’t make them believe you, but you can, with patience and perseverance, show that the fruits of your actions are good. You can tell a tree by its fruit!
3. Infrastructure: the foundation of your life will also help you to thwart this type of behavior. The Bible tells us in Matthew 7.24: “Anyone who listens to what I tell you and puts it into practice is like a man of foresight who built his house on rock. The rain fell, the torrents rushed down, the storm blew and battered that house; the house did not collapse, for it was founded on rock.” If you stand on a solid foundation, on the truth, nothing will be able to rout you because your foundation is unshakable! Here are 3 keys to help you strengthen your emotional stability and thwart the traps of emotional manipulation. Once again, I invite you to do one thing: get to know yourself rather than listening to what others say about you. To do this, I can only invite you to get closer to someone who felt that your value was so great, so important, that he gave his Son for you: God.
I invite you to listen to the radio program I recorded last week, which will show you how much God loves us and never abandons us. I’ll send you the link as soon as it airs. In our next Newsletter we’ll continue our series by looking together at how to cultivate healthy emotions. To make sure you don’t miss out, be sure to sign up by clicking on “I subscribe!” at the end of this article. You can also follow us and share this article on social networks: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn and so enjoy our news.
See you soon,
You are wonderful!
Joachim Fontaine
Coach | Consultant | Formateur
