Hello, Have you ever thought to yourself “That’s not right!”, “What will people think if I do that?” or “They’ll think I’m…”? We all go through this at times, and are inclined to think in other people’s places, or to believe that others naturally think the wrong way. The way others look at us is an obstacle we all face to varying degrees. I’m speaking from experience! As a teenager, I sometimes skirted the walls of secondary school to avoid being noticed, and I didn’t raise my hand in class to give the answers, even though I had the right ones and my grades showed it. This is closely linked to the fear of judgment and the fear of rejection. We naturally fit into the mold to avoid rejection and to feel we fit in. If you look at the situations in which you feel uncomfortable, you’ll see that one of these two fears appears. We talked about emptiness in our previous article, and here’s one of the reasons why: The fear of being alone! Studies and behavioral analysis tests have produced some interesting results on this subject. One test in particular, carried out with several accomplices and a witness, concluded that the majority of people follow the advice of others. The test consisted in showing two cards – one with one line and the other with three lines, one of which was similar to the first card. The accomplices unanimously gave the wrong answer to the question: “Which is the similar line? The witness gave the same answer as the accomplices, even though he was convinced of the opposite. Why was this? Simply to fit in! Crazy, isn’t it? We’ve all been there, done that, but what about you? Do you know the expression “it’s better to be alone than badly accompanied”? I’m convinced that this phrase is true, just as I’m convinced that being alone is not good for a human being. Inconsistent, you might ask? It’s better to be alone, but at the same time it’s not good to be alone. So what do you do? Simply be yourself. Because only by being yourself will you surround yourself with the right people. We’re all called to be in communion with each other, but that doesn’t mean we have to have the same degree of intimacy with everyone. So how can we face the gaze of others while being ourselves? Let’s start with a little story from this summer, which will help me to fully illustrate this article. We were sitting with a few friends on the Promenade des Anglais this summer, there was some music playing and a homeless man was dancing on the beach. His joy at dancing alone despite the presence of dozens of people watching him touched me deeply. And I expressed my admiration for this man who cared absolutely nothing for the thoughts of others. One of my friends then challenged me to go dancing with him.
I said, “Okay! But if I do it, you dance in the middle of the prom”. She agreed, saying she didn’t think I’d do it anyway. Unluckily for her, she didn’t know me well enough! I went to see this homeless man. I started dancing with him and we had a great time together. Afterwards, I gave him a hug and we chatted for a while. Jacques will always be in my thoughts and prayers. It was my friend’s turn to hold his challenge. She didn’t manage to keep it at first, telling me that she “wouldn’t take the shame”. Discussing this with her, I saw another lady behind my friend, watching and listening attentively. So I went up to her and asked, “if we danced, would you be willing to join us?” She exclaimed, “YES!!!”. So I went dancing in the middle of the Promenade des Anglais. My friend joined me. So did this lady. It didn’t take long for passers-by to start watching us; some even started filming. Other friends joined us, as well as strangers. Even an elderly lady in a walker with her husband! The love we felt at that moment broke all fears and chains: generational, cultural, social, religious and so on. It was an exceptional moment! I drew from it two keys to facing up to the way others look at you, which I’d like to pass on to you today to help you free yourself and be as you are: 1. Your ability to value others will determine your ability to step out of your comfort zone and live freely: your basic assessment of the goodness of others will determine your attitude and freedom of action towards them. Starting from the premise that others are good and believing the best in others will free you from fear and lead you to live and achieve freely what you wish to do. You can’t know what’s in other people’s heads. However, human beings naturally try to guess. If you value and believe in others, you’ll be inclined to think they’ll act and react well. There are bound to be some who will act badly, make fun of you or denigrate you, but you’ll find that these remain tiny compared to the thousands of people on whom you’ll see the positive impact of your actions. 2. Your motivation is your greatest help in breaking out of your comfort zone: the motivation behind your actions will determine the degree to which you act, and whether or not you’ll face the gaze of others. The greatest motivator of human beings is love. Love doesn’t do anything dishonest, it doesn’t seek its own interest, it doesn’t meditate evil, love believes everything, hopes everything, endures everything, love believes the best. Love does not fear, it banishes fear. A friend of mine, Luc Favre, recently wrote: “Love is the greatest motivation of a human being… So pay attention to what you love!
By paying attention to what you love and taking love as your motivation, you’ll free yourself from the gaze of others and develop a greater self-confidence that will push you out of your comfort zone. By applying these two keys, you’ll be surprised at the good you’ll do for those around you. It will encourage many and encourage you yourself. You are a flood of love and joy, and many around you need you. So rise up and shine! In our next Newsletter, we’ll tackle another dream breaker: the comfort zone, and see how to get out of it. To make sure you don’t miss out, be sure to sign up by clicking on “I subscribe!” at the end of this article. You can also follow us and share this article on social networks: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn and so enjoy our news. See you soon,
You’re wonderful!
Joachim Fontaine
Coach | Consultant | Trainer
